Parents of the Lab: Brandie Ardalan

Before Michael knew he needed a sense of community, his mom, Brandie Ardalan, already did.

When he was only 12 years old, she began searching for programs where her son could meet other LGBTQIA+ youth after their family left the Bay Area and moved to LA.

But according to her, there wasn't something missing at home.

Michael was fortunate enough to grow up surrounded by unconditional love. Acceptance and celebration were the pillars of their family foundation. However, Brandie knew that no matter how supportive she and her husband could be, Michael needed to see people like him to know that he could live a fruitful life as himself.    

​"I was telling him, 'You need community,'" she recalled. "You don't know that you need this right now because you've been protected by us. But you're getting to a point where you're going to need people outside of your family."

After months of searching, she found Rainbow Labs.

From the beginning to now, Brandie says that enrolling Michael has been one of the best decisions she could have made.

"I 100% attribute his confidence to the program."

Today at Rainbow Labs and in life, Michael carries himself with a confidence that wasn't always there.  Having been part of the lab from the very beginning in 2020, he's built friendships, developed a close relationship with his mentors, and discovered a community where he can essentially be himself.

"He was very quiet and very closed off anytime we were around other people," Brandie said. "People wouldn't believe that now because he has this unbelievable confidence."

To describe Michael, the first word that comes to mind is force. Enveloped by a bright pink aura, he is most likely wearing an oversized band tee, sporting bleached brows, and rocking a pair of moon boots. In short, they exude a level of confidence that many adults spend their lifetimes trying to attain. For Brandie, raising Michael was muscle memory because her perspective was formed by a lifetime of devotion and understanding of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Raised in the Bay Area by her mother and uncle, a gay man named Stephen-Joseph who stepped in to help raise Brandie and her sisters, she grew up surrounded by queer community advocacy and saw the impact of a chosen family. Her mother and the family participated in protests and pushed back against discrimination, which made acceptance an ordinary part of her life.

"I've been around the queer community my whole life," she said. "People just deserve to be happy and safe. That's all I really care about."

So when Michael was unapologetically expressing himself at a young age, Brandie was far from being surprised.

"We joke that he wasn't born, he sashayed into the world."

Whether he was reaching for Brandie's lipstick, asking for dolls at the corner store, or showing little interest in  masculine toys, Brandie and her husband honed in on one thing.

"We gave him what he wanted because all that mattered was that he was happy, protected, and didn't have to feel different or othered in his own home."

However, that didn't mean there weren't inevitable challenges. Brandie knew there would be experiences she couldn't fully understand on her own.

"There were certain things that I knew I could never really support him through because I didn't have that firsthand experience," she said. "I knew he needed community."

Community has always been more than a broad definition in Brandie's life.

Her uncle, Stevie, died from complications related to AIDS before Michael was born. Growing up, she saw the rejection he underwent from parts of their Southern Baptist extended family. Overall, that experience formed her understanding of unconditional love and what she set out to do going forward in her life.

When Michael was born, Brandie and her husband gave him the middle name Joseph, Uncle Stevie's first name.

Today, she sees pieces of her uncle reflected in her son.

"I feel like he gets to be the person my uncle could have been with the right love and support."

The similarities still surprise her. Their common love of music, excitement of life, and their never-ending joy. Michael, in a way, was a product of Brandie's manifestation.

Rainbow Labs didn't just become Michael's community but Brandie's community, too.

"I always say it takes a village…you guys are our village," she said.

She credits the organization not only with helping Michael grow but also with changing how she approaches advocacy and allyship.

​​When asked what she'd tell other parents raising LGBTQIA+ children, Brandie's answer wasn't about having all the right words nor the answers…It's simply about being present.

"Whether you understand or not, it's not for you to understand," she said. "Just love your child unconditionally."